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Married Lez Guide to Valentine’s Day

Here’s my ultimate guide to a successful Valentine’s Day when you’ve been married for as long as your state has allowed it (so for us it would be 7+ years on top of 5 years of anarchy):

1. It’s a work day! Yay! Wake up really really early to the romantic sound of the dog repeatedly licking his bum.

2. Realize that both you and your wife are coming down with some unknown sickness. (Since wifey is a teacher, it could be any nasty bug that young children have created in their homes with the sole purpose of coming to school to spread it to unsuspecting teachers and their spouses.)

3. Have a super romantic breakfast of the same thing you eat everyday, only on this day, you get the pleasure of listening to the dog continue to lick his bum.

4. Say a fond farewell to each other. Remember: Couples that kiss each other good-bye are less likely to get sick. (But wait? We’re getting sick. **shaking my fist at whoever posted that kissing report**)

5. Instead of making a reservation for a romantic dinner, call the vet because clearly the dog needs someone to drain those anal glands.

6. Cap the day off with a nice glass of wine and the sweet silence of the dog resting peacefully.

I think we might be Valentine’s Day Scrooges! Although, the dog disagrees. This is a perfect Valentine’s Day for him. He’s very relieved to not have to smell his bum anymore (at least that’s what the Vet promised us).

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